So, this whole up and down thing is just like torture. First I think the prologue is working and should be kept with the story. But then, I read it to Marc and he convinces me that it shouldn't be there. How did he do that? He said the magic words, "Think of Romeo and Juliet. That's a tragedy. But there are only a few bad moments in it. Somber is depressing and no one reads to be depressed."
OK. Good bye prologue. I really wrote it to help myself anyway. And I'm glad it doesn't have to be depressing the whole way through. Now at least I don't feel so worried about how light it seems at the beginning. Because really, Romeo and Juliet is fun and funny at the beginning, and yeah, it's definitely a tragedy.
So why do I feel terrible? Maybe I'm comng down with something. But I don't think so.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
A Rollercoaster Weekend aka The Writers' Blues
So after getting my packet back from Pete on Thursday, I had a lot of ups and downs. Actually more downs than ups. I was pretty upset when I first got Pete's letter because what I thought he was asking me to do was something I was vehemently opposed to doing. I read it as saying, "Stop using all that language. Just write like a normal, modern day person would talk." Well, to me, this takes all the joy out of writing. I mean, what would be the point of writing the way that most people talk when I go out of my way to actually use more meaningful words even in everyday conversations? Where would I ever get to use language that I love if not in writing? So that was really depressing. It was like, WHY EVEN BOTHER WRITING? (I wish I had an interrabang symbol on my keyboard--look in Wikipedia).
But then Marc spent about an hour talking to me about it and calming me down. (Thanks, Marc.) And then I felt better and realized that I might have been overreacting. But as I said to Abby in an email, I still felt like going to bed and never getting up again. Except to use the bathroom. And, you know, to keep from getting bedsores.
But I did convince myself that what he was saying was about some very stilted passages in the chapter I sent him and not about all the writing I had done on the book. But, being the idiot I am, I was not content to just accept this and go on with the revisions. No. I had to send Pete an email and ask him if he felt the same way about chapter 15, which I had given him and he had read. I said I didn't want my character to come off as unsophisticated. So instead of saying anything about chapter 15, he just wrote back and said she didn't have to be unsophisticated. She just had to be herself. So I took this to mean that he did think the same thing about chapter 15. So then I was morose all weekend.
I should add that Pete's letter and everything were totally nice. He clearly was trying to be as gentle with me as possible. Thank goodness! But still, I think we might not be on the same page. But maybe we will be. I'm just going to try to make it work. I wish I could talk to him more about it instead of just getting cryptic emails that I can interpret in ten different ways.
I mean, I went back and looked at chapter 15, and I did see a couple of spots where the language was a little stilted. And I noticed that when I'm writing, I never contract my negatives. I always write did not as opposed to didn't, or wouldn't not as opposed to wouldn't. This does sound formal and stilted and I'll go back and fix those spots, but overall, I like the voice.
By yesterday afternoon, I had written and rewritten the first few paragraphs 37 times. I was ready to walk into traffic. Some writer friends were meeting at a cafe, so I joined them there for a while and they talked to me about it. It was helpful. (Thanks, Stephanie, Pat and Karen!)
One of the things I ended up doing as I tried to work through it was to write a prologue. You know, what happens before the beginning of the story. It was just a page. I read them that and they actually liked it and thought maybe it should stay with the story. So, I'll see what Pete thinks.
While I was there, I noticed this guy one table over who wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was eavesdropping on our conversation. When we got up to leave, I said something like, "Yes, I'd better go home and see if I can finish the revisions before I commit suicide." (I am such a drama queen.) As I was walking out, he got up and ran after me calling, "Miss! Miss!" I turned around (Although, seriously, Miss?) He said, "Before you off yourself, you should take Kurt Vonnegut's advice and throw up on your typewriter. You can clean it up later. It's worked for me many times." I laughed. So at least there was that. Later I realized that he probably didn't mean throw up ON your typewriter, but WITH it. I really thought at first he meant 'wretch' on your typewriter. It will make you feel better. But I think he meant, just write out everything and then revise it down later. I think the first one is easier.
And then I went home and felt like tackling it again. Maybe because I am insane. But, for some reason, it started to come together. I used one of Marc's ideas to rewrite the beginning, and maybe it's a little rough, but I think it can work. And then the rest was really not that hard. Especially because I established the voice in the prologue. I still want it to be a little more sophisticated and mysterious, but I think it's interesting. So in the hour before I went to bed, I got almost all the way through it. There's just one more paragraph that needs to be reworked or maybe cut, and then I think it will be done and I'll be on to chapter two, which I already started.
OK, done with ranting. I feel much better now.
Now I have to get to work again. I can't get the Spider Pig song out of my head. (Go see the Simpsons Movie if you are feeling depressed about your writing and have Marc take you to the Cherry Blossom for Japanese food beforehand. Marc is so funny. :) Spider pig, spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does...
But then Marc spent about an hour talking to me about it and calming me down. (Thanks, Marc.) And then I felt better and realized that I might have been overreacting. But as I said to Abby in an email, I still felt like going to bed and never getting up again. Except to use the bathroom. And, you know, to keep from getting bedsores.
But I did convince myself that what he was saying was about some very stilted passages in the chapter I sent him and not about all the writing I had done on the book. But, being the idiot I am, I was not content to just accept this and go on with the revisions. No. I had to send Pete an email and ask him if he felt the same way about chapter 15, which I had given him and he had read. I said I didn't want my character to come off as unsophisticated. So instead of saying anything about chapter 15, he just wrote back and said she didn't have to be unsophisticated. She just had to be herself. So I took this to mean that he did think the same thing about chapter 15. So then I was morose all weekend.
I should add that Pete's letter and everything were totally nice. He clearly was trying to be as gentle with me as possible. Thank goodness! But still, I think we might not be on the same page. But maybe we will be. I'm just going to try to make it work. I wish I could talk to him more about it instead of just getting cryptic emails that I can interpret in ten different ways.
I mean, I went back and looked at chapter 15, and I did see a couple of spots where the language was a little stilted. And I noticed that when I'm writing, I never contract my negatives. I always write did not as opposed to didn't, or wouldn't not as opposed to wouldn't. This does sound formal and stilted and I'll go back and fix those spots, but overall, I like the voice.
By yesterday afternoon, I had written and rewritten the first few paragraphs 37 times. I was ready to walk into traffic. Some writer friends were meeting at a cafe, so I joined them there for a while and they talked to me about it. It was helpful. (Thanks, Stephanie, Pat and Karen!)
One of the things I ended up doing as I tried to work through it was to write a prologue. You know, what happens before the beginning of the story. It was just a page. I read them that and they actually liked it and thought maybe it should stay with the story. So, I'll see what Pete thinks.
While I was there, I noticed this guy one table over who wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was eavesdropping on our conversation. When we got up to leave, I said something like, "Yes, I'd better go home and see if I can finish the revisions before I commit suicide." (I am such a drama queen.) As I was walking out, he got up and ran after me calling, "Miss! Miss!" I turned around (Although, seriously, Miss?) He said, "Before you off yourself, you should take Kurt Vonnegut's advice and throw up on your typewriter. You can clean it up later. It's worked for me many times." I laughed. So at least there was that. Later I realized that he probably didn't mean throw up ON your typewriter, but WITH it. I really thought at first he meant 'wretch' on your typewriter. It will make you feel better. But I think he meant, just write out everything and then revise it down later. I think the first one is easier.
And then I went home and felt like tackling it again. Maybe because I am insane. But, for some reason, it started to come together. I used one of Marc's ideas to rewrite the beginning, and maybe it's a little rough, but I think it can work. And then the rest was really not that hard. Especially because I established the voice in the prologue. I still want it to be a little more sophisticated and mysterious, but I think it's interesting. So in the hour before I went to bed, I got almost all the way through it. There's just one more paragraph that needs to be reworked or maybe cut, and then I think it will be done and I'll be on to chapter two, which I already started.
OK, done with ranting. I feel much better now.
Now I have to get to work again. I can't get the Spider Pig song out of my head. (Go see the Simpsons Movie if you are feeling depressed about your writing and have Marc take you to the Cherry Blossom for Japanese food beforehand. Marc is so funny. :) Spider pig, spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does...
Saturday, July 28, 2007
The week in stress
I got my packet back from Pete on Thursday. He wrote a very nice letter about my work. I realized that I had gone kind of off the deep end trying to make sure I did as many revisions as possible before sending it to him. The result was that there were several parts of it that were virtually nonsensical. I didn't realize it till I read his letter and was upset about it. Then Marc read parts of my chapter out loud to me and I almost started laughing. It was just so out there.
Not the whole thing, though. Pete really liked the dialog . started revisions and it doesn't seem like it will be too hard to fix. I was able to create a guideline for myself to keep me at least somewhat grounded, which is I imagine that the narrator is telling the story to someone in particular. This keeps it intimate and makes going totally off in language land more difficult.
I am terrible at beginnings. I struggle with this with every chapter. Maybe I shouldn't even be distinguishing between chapters. Then nothing would be a beginning. I could do it later.
I saw Mindie on Wednesday. We talked for about three hours. She is going to a writers' retreat in September where Jack Driscoll and Dorianne Laux are going to be teaching. I'd like to go, but it's $525. I could ride up with her and she offered to share a room (otherwise it would be $625) but I don't know how I would convince Marc that I need to spend that much for a weekend workshop. But, I'll buy a lotto ticket and see what happens. heh.
Not the whole thing, though. Pete really liked the dialog . started revisions and it doesn't seem like it will be too hard to fix. I was able to create a guideline for myself to keep me at least somewhat grounded, which is I imagine that the narrator is telling the story to someone in particular. This keeps it intimate and makes going totally off in language land more difficult.
I am terrible at beginnings. I struggle with this with every chapter. Maybe I shouldn't even be distinguishing between chapters. Then nothing would be a beginning. I could do it later.
I saw Mindie on Wednesday. We talked for about three hours. She is going to a writers' retreat in September where Jack Driscoll and Dorianne Laux are going to be teaching. I'd like to go, but it's $525. I could ride up with her and she offered to share a room (otherwise it would be $625) but I don't know how I would convince Marc that I need to spend that much for a weekend workshop. But, I'll buy a lotto ticket and see what happens. heh.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Good news!
I mailed my first packet of writing to my advisor yesterday! It's not even going to be late. I don't even think the reading commentaries are terrible. Well, one of them is not great--I was so out of it by the time I finished. But all in all, I'm happy with what I sent.
And I'm really pretty happy with the first chapter. Of all the many versions I've written of it, I think this one is the best in several ways.
I was worried that the others were too light compared to the rest of the book. Also, since I now have committed to an underlying plot, I was able to foreshadow its discovery. So, all in all, I think it's not going to be too embarrassing for Pete to see it.
Also, last week the director of the program sent out an email telling us that the Atlantic Monthly had listed Pacific as one of the top five low residency MFA programs in the country. It's listed with Antioch, Vermont, Bennington and Warren Wilson. This made me feel great because one of the dilemmas I was having in making a choice between the programs that accepted me was the prestige factor. Not that I care that much about prestige actually, but I wanted it to help me get a job when I'm done. So now I've ended up in a program that I really like, where I totally fit in, and there is this added bonus.
My box of books from the residency arrived yesterday, sent to me by the wonderful Amber Vanzant. Inside was a card from Amber and Shelley. It made me really happy.
So now I just have to catch up on my work at the office and life will be perfect. :)
And I'm really pretty happy with the first chapter. Of all the many versions I've written of it, I think this one is the best in several ways.
I was worried that the others were too light compared to the rest of the book. Also, since I now have committed to an underlying plot, I was able to foreshadow its discovery. So, all in all, I think it's not going to be too embarrassing for Pete to see it.
Also, last week the director of the program sent out an email telling us that the Atlantic Monthly had listed Pacific as one of the top five low residency MFA programs in the country. It's listed with Antioch, Vermont, Bennington and Warren Wilson. This made me feel great because one of the dilemmas I was having in making a choice between the programs that accepted me was the prestige factor. Not that I care that much about prestige actually, but I wanted it to help me get a job when I'm done. So now I've ended up in a program that I really like, where I totally fit in, and there is this added bonus.
My box of books from the residency arrived yesterday, sent to me by the wonderful Amber Vanzant. Inside was a card from Amber and Shelley. It made me really happy.
So now I just have to catch up on my work at the office and life will be perfect. :)
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Progress Report
The writing has been coming along. I have ten pages now of my first chapter and I think I'm within five pages of finishing it. I'm not horribly unhappy with it, although it does still need some work.
I had a conference call with my roommates today. I thought about inviting Felicity to join us, but it was a little logistically difficult to get everyone to meet up at the same time because we are so widely spread out, each one of us in a different time zone. Maybe next time. Felicity, if you're reading, let me know if you would like to join in on some future conference call. We read and talked about work. It was helpful.
I'm going to take Tuesday off to get the last of my work done for the first packet. I still am working on reading commentaries, but they don't seem that difficult. Mostly I want to get as much fiction written as possible, because you only get five exchanges each semester and I want to make them count. If I could get my first chapter to be 15 pages, I'd still have five to write one of the Salome/Descendant stories. I've been brewing the one called Disciple in a cauldron over a slow fire.
I had a conference call with my roommates today. I thought about inviting Felicity to join us, but it was a little logistically difficult to get everyone to meet up at the same time because we are so widely spread out, each one of us in a different time zone. Maybe next time. Felicity, if you're reading, let me know if you would like to join in on some future conference call. We read and talked about work. It was helpful.
I'm going to take Tuesday off to get the last of my work done for the first packet. I still am working on reading commentaries, but they don't seem that difficult. Mostly I want to get as much fiction written as possible, because you only get five exchanges each semester and I want to make them count. If I could get my first chapter to be 15 pages, I'd still have five to write one of the Salome/Descendant stories. I've been brewing the one called Disciple in a cauldron over a slow fire.
Friday, July 13, 2007
One big happy family
A couple of days ago, we were all sent this photo, taken at the reisdency of everyone in the rpgroam, students and faculty and staff and interns. Don't we look happy?
Now, off on my own, the world seems full of stories. I am reading new things. I am still struggling with my first chapter. But I will finish it this weekend. Life is good.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Stupid writer's block
OK, it's not exactly a block. I have been writing. I just don't like how the words sound when I read them over. I feel a lot of pressure to write something good in a short time because I know that Pete Fromm is going to be reading it. I like his writing a lot. Maybe that is throwing me off.
Anyway, I just procrastinated for a couple of hours by going through all the posts I wrote while I was away at school and fixing typos and facts that I have since learned were wrong. The blog looks better but I am still on page three of my novel.
I did get an idea for a series of short stories, a little collection of very short fiction. I tried to start writing one of the stories, but the words just weren't coming. I need more facts. If I could just let myself make things up without having to know facts.... Well, that could be a disaster, but from here it feels like it would be great.
I had promised myself that I would get ten pages done this weekend and that then everything would be on schedule. I have to finish at least one chapter. I just wrote a swear word and then deleted it because I remembered that my parents might be reading. Now I'm going to see if Marc is somewhere doing something that I can do with him. I have all day tomorrow to write some more.
Anyway, I just procrastinated for a couple of hours by going through all the posts I wrote while I was away at school and fixing typos and facts that I have since learned were wrong. The blog looks better but I am still on page three of my novel.
I did get an idea for a series of short stories, a little collection of very short fiction. I tried to start writing one of the stories, but the words just weren't coming. I need more facts. If I could just let myself make things up without having to know facts.... Well, that could be a disaster, but from here it feels like it would be great.
I had promised myself that I would get ten pages done this weekend and that then everything would be on schedule. I have to finish at least one chapter. I just wrote a swear word and then deleted it because I remembered that my parents might be reading. Now I'm going to see if Marc is somewhere doing something that I can do with him. I have all day tomorrow to write some more.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Homework
I've spent the past two days trying to get my residency evaluations done. I'm really close. I have two left to write about to reach the minimum number of 12. I think I will write about one more, just because. I've already finished the two other parts of the evaluation.
I had promised myself I would write two pages a day on my chapter. I didn't quite achieve this goal, but I do have a good start on it. I was really having trouble writing, so I did that exercise I mentioned yesterday. It got me going and today the words came out more easily and looked better on the page.
Tomorrow I am going back to work. It's about the last thing I want to do. I can see how I could be a full time student and be totally and completely happy. I never realized how burned out I was about my job until I went to college and actually worked myself into delirium and still didn't want to stop. But I'll just have to get over it.
I have this plan that I will try to get a lot done at work in the morning. I don't see what I really have to do, besides the newsletter. If I get everything done early, over lunch and afterward I can work guiltlessly on writing and finishing my evaluations. There won't be any law students there for the rest of the week, so it seems like a good time to use what extra time I have to get writing done. I could even close my door to keep people from bothering me.
Yesterday I sussed out some places to sell flash fiction and I want to send something in soon. I should set a goal for myself with regard to this. I also want to write a microfiction for the next issue of The First Line.
I need to decide which books I want to read first off my reading list. I'm thinking short stories by Flannery O'Connor and one of the Gabriel Garcia Marquez novels. Maybe Love in the Time of Cholera since I have it on my computer.
Midnight. Time to sleep.
I had promised myself I would write two pages a day on my chapter. I didn't quite achieve this goal, but I do have a good start on it. I was really having trouble writing, so I did that exercise I mentioned yesterday. It got me going and today the words came out more easily and looked better on the page.
Tomorrow I am going back to work. It's about the last thing I want to do. I can see how I could be a full time student and be totally and completely happy. I never realized how burned out I was about my job until I went to college and actually worked myself into delirium and still didn't want to stop. But I'll just have to get over it.
I have this plan that I will try to get a lot done at work in the morning. I don't see what I really have to do, besides the newsletter. If I get everything done early, over lunch and afterward I can work guiltlessly on writing and finishing my evaluations. There won't be any law students there for the rest of the week, so it seems like a good time to use what extra time I have to get writing done. I could even close my door to keep people from bothering me.
Yesterday I sussed out some places to sell flash fiction and I want to send something in soon. I should set a goal for myself with regard to this. I also want to write a microfiction for the next issue of The First Line.
I need to decide which books I want to read first off my reading list. I'm thinking short stories by Flannery O'Connor and one of the Gabriel Garcia Marquez novels. Maybe Love in the Time of Cholera since I have it on my computer.
Midnight. Time to sleep.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
So Many Typos, So Little Time
Honey, I'm home!
I got back night before last, exhausted. I slept and then I slept some more. I saw Marc. I hugged my kitties. I slept yet a little more.
For the record, the number of typos in my previous posts has a lot to do with not being used to typing on a laptop, lack of sleep and the fact that the 'h' on my laptop sticks. (I really should take it in to be repaired. It's a brand new laptop!)
I could go back and fix all the typos, but I don't have that much energy right now and I need to get my evaluations done by the end of the week, plus I have a lot of reading and writing to do. So please forgive those annoying typos. And please know that I actually do know the difference between memorized and mesmerized.
My study plan has me writing a new chapter for every packet that I send to my advisor. Also, I have a reading list of books. I need to read twenty works this semester and write commentaries on 12 of them. I have to send 2 or 3 commentaries in with every packet. The first packet is due on July 20th, so my work is cut out for me.
I restarted my first chapter for about the tenth time. I think I have it down now, if only I could get the words to come out the way I want them to. I think I may have to resort to what I do sometimes, which is start writing an explanation for myself of what happens in the chapter. Somehow this usually leads to an actual writing before it is done.
I don't know if I will have a lot to write here during the non-residency part of the semester, but I'll see. I guess I can write about my frustrations.
I looked last night for places I could submit my microfiction. I think I am going to send it out . I'll probably only get $20 for it, but that's ok. That's a book or a lunch for two. I also found another place that gives the first line and then all the flash fiction they accept for an issue starts with that line. That looks like a great writing exercise to me and I am definitely going to do it.
Enough about me. Sleep beckons.
I got back night before last, exhausted. I slept and then I slept some more. I saw Marc. I hugged my kitties. I slept yet a little more.
For the record, the number of typos in my previous posts has a lot to do with not being used to typing on a laptop, lack of sleep and the fact that the 'h' on my laptop sticks. (I really should take it in to be repaired. It's a brand new laptop!)
I could go back and fix all the typos, but I don't have that much energy right now and I need to get my evaluations done by the end of the week, plus I have a lot of reading and writing to do. So please forgive those annoying typos. And please know that I actually do know the difference between memorized and mesmerized.
My study plan has me writing a new chapter for every packet that I send to my advisor. Also, I have a reading list of books. I need to read twenty works this semester and write commentaries on 12 of them. I have to send 2 or 3 commentaries in with every packet. The first packet is due on July 20th, so my work is cut out for me.
I restarted my first chapter for about the tenth time. I think I have it down now, if only I could get the words to come out the way I want them to. I think I may have to resort to what I do sometimes, which is start writing an explanation for myself of what happens in the chapter. Somehow this usually leads to an actual writing before it is done.
I don't know if I will have a lot to write here during the non-residency part of the semester, but I'll see. I guess I can write about my frustrations.
I looked last night for places I could submit my microfiction. I think I am going to send it out . I'll probably only get $20 for it, but that's ok. That's a book or a lunch for two. I also found another place that gives the first line and then all the flash fiction they accept for an issue starts with that line. That looks like a great writing exercise to me and I am definitely going to do it.
Enough about me. Sleep beckons.
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